I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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