I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
All I want is dick and wine.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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