You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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