It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
