New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He has the fingertips of a God
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