It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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