I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
