Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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