I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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