I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
