I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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