I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
