just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
