I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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