I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Ketchup is God's man juice
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Never joke about your clitoris.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
