Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Someone came in the potted fern
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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