I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
