his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
