i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
