i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
