you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
