I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
My penis needs a shock collar
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
