found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
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APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
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I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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