I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.