you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
are you so shy because you have an std?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
only you would photoshop your dick
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.