you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I understand Curling. That high.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
