i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?