i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
