They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.