I'm jealous of your bromance
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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