Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
