I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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