woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
No I am not eating basil off your cock
We just shotgunned beers for America
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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