umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
