Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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