thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
