based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
