She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
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She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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