Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
