So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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