he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
