He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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