Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i walk over a car last night?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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