She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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