I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
don't judge my taste in strippers
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
