maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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