Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
