Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
