There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
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she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
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When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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