it's too hot outside to masturbate.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
