There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
