bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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