You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
