WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
My feet surprised me
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