It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
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