So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
we're so committed to being not committed
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
