what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
