Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
