is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
