Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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