for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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