apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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