Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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