woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
