a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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