I love black thongs
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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