Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
My breasts were aching with rage.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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