my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
