I can tuck mytits in my pants
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
