the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize