considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
