You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
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