i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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