You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize