Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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