Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
