Dual....:-)
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize
