Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
