Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
