I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
