I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize