You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I just googled if crying burns calories
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
