I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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