i may or may not be watching the land before time
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
