sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
My vagina is very pro this idea
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
