Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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