I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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