and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
