Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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